Juanita and the Kids
written by C.W. Kalb, Jr., and Lonnie Carneal
INTRO: C F
C
I got a letter from the IRS
F
Inviting me to be their guest
C G
At an audit they were conducting just for me
C
They said no need to worry, probably nothing wrong
F
Just bring your wife and your children along
C G C
We just need to clear up a small technicality
C
Now the only problem with an audit is
F
My wife Juanita and our 14 kids
C G
Friends you cannot believe the refunds they have been worth
C
But it was years ago that I got this idea
F
When I bought Juanita thru the mail from Korea
C G C
She's an inflatable doll, but she came with a certificate of birth
G
I was a single guy without any deductions
C
So I claimed Juanita and what a reduction
F G
I received with her as my spouse on the taxes I pay
C
That worked so well that every year after that
F
I reported a birth when I paid my tax
C G C
Each kid certified by Cabbage Patch USA
CHORUS:
C
Oh Juanita (Juanita)
F
My inflatable senorita
C G
The IRS wants to take you and the children away (away-ay-ay-ay)
C
You and Jim and Tammy, Lonnie and Burt
F
Farrah, Charro, Michael and Kurt
C G C
Jan and Dean, Irlene, Louise, Barbara and little Ray (little Ray)
F C
C
So I dressed Juanita like the perfect mother
F
Velcro'd the children to one another
C G
And when we walked into that audit those people nearly flipped their lids
C
I said Juanita might lay around and never cook
F
And the children don't clean their rooms and never crack a book
C G C
But hey they ain't no different from my brother's wife and kids
G
And I got social security cards here for every one
C
My wife, my daughters and all of my sons
F G
All offically issued by the government of the USA
C
So before you call me down to muster
F
Somebody here better think twice buster
C G C
Do you really wanna be the one to accuse the government of making a big mistake
CHORUS:
C
Oh Juanita (Juanita)
F
My C-oh-2 senorita
C G
The IRS wants to take you and the children away (away-ay-ay-ay)
C
You and Jim and Tammy, Lonnie and Burt
F
Farrah, Charro, Michael and Kurt
C G C
Jan and Dean, Irlene, Louise, Barbara and little Ray (little Ray)
BRIDGE:
G
That agent sat there his mouth agape
G
Thinking over that government mistake
G C
And how his civil service career could be at its end
And then he reached for his stamp that said approved
F
And said hope the kids do better next year and school
C G C
And why don't you and the missus drop by and say hello now and then
CHORUS:
C
Oh Juanita (Juanita)
F
My inflatable senorita
C G
Looks like you and the kids all get to stay (stay-ay-ay-ay)
C
What's that honey, you need to get home quick?
F
You say you started feelin' a little sick?
C G C
And you think you might once again be in a family way?
C F
What's that? You think it might be triplets this time?
C
Juanita, you are a wonder!
G C
Do what? Why, of course we can support your mother!
G C
I even think her moving expenses are deductible too.
F/
Does she still live in Bangkok?
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